


You're Worse Than Nicotine

by Ellienerd14



Category: I Was Born for This - Alice Oseman
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst because I'm evil, Hurt/Comfort, Inspired by 'Meeting Lister', M/M, Set after the final chapter, spoilers for IWBFT
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-25
Updated: 2018-08-26
Packaged: 2019-07-02 12:10:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,270
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15796260
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ellienerd14/pseuds/Ellienerd14
Summary: 'You’re really good. Best drummer I’ve ever heard in real life.'I get a lot of compliments. Mostly on how I look. Sometimes on my actual musical talent. But Jimmy was the first to say something nice about my drumming. And even if I wasn’t born with it, I think I would get the words tattooed anyway because if Jimmy hadn’t been kind about my drumming, all those years ago, I wouldn’t be here.-In a world where your soulmate's first words are on your skin since you were born, being a celebrity is never easy. Lister knows who he is destined for. But it's never that easy.





	1. LISTER

[Meeting Lister](http://chronicintrovert.tumblr.com/tagged/meeting-lister/chrono)

 

* * *

 

 

They don’t let you smoke in hosipitals, not even fancy private ones like the one I’m stuck at. I’m been desperate for a cigarette since I’ve been here for the last week. I shove more doritos into my mouth because it’s scientifically proven to be more effective than nicotine gum.

At least my uncomfortable nicotine craving is a good distraction from the real thing I can’t give up.

Jimmy’s asleep in the chair next to me. I’ve been in love with him since we were fourteen but even I can tell he needs it. Without the magic touch of makeup and photoshop and responsible adults, he looks even younger than he actually is. And awful.

It’s okay. I don’t mind.

He’s wearing a baggy jumper, one of Rowan’s I think (once that would have made me jealous, I’ll admit) and it covers his arms. Not that he’d need to roll up the sleeves, I already know what’s written there - in the crook of his left elbow on his dark, beautiful skin.

_Hey._

It’s not exactly poetic or uncommon or eventful but I must have said it to him at some point. I don’t even remember saying it, which I feel guilty about, even if it was years ago. The fact it’s so ordinary and boring has worked in my favour because he hasn’t worked out I’m his soulmate yet.

Sometimes I’m jealous of the fact he doesn’t know. It would be so much easier if I didn’t know that Jimmy is my soulmate. I’d probably still be in love with him but I wouldn’t have an excuse to justify it to myself. Half out fan base are convinced that Rowan is Jimmy’s soulmate. His other half. His perfect match.

But Jimmy complimented on _my_ drumming.

I look at the cursed words on my leg again. _You’re really good. Best drummer I’ve ever heard in real life._

I get a lot of compliments. Mostly on how I look. Sometimes on my actual musical talent. But Jimmy was the first to say something nice about my drumming. And even if I wasn’t born with it,I think I would get the words tattooed anyway because if Jimmy hadn’t been kind about my drumming, all those years ago, I wouldn’t be here now. (Famous. Not in hospital. That’s the knife’s fault really.) I would be nowhere. No one.

“Lister?” Jimmy stretches and I pull my pajamas down so he doesn’t see the words written on my thigh. “Feeling better?”

“Still stabbed but I’ll recover.”

He almost smiles which is a big step, given the last few months have been off the wall nuts.

“Where’s Ro-Ro?”

“Meeting with Cecily,” Jimmy answers, “he’s sorting out some contract stuff, since he’s the only one who did sign.”

“Sounds like he’ll be gone a while.”

“Yeah.”

We fall into silence, which I try to lessen by crumpling up a dorito packet and throwing it at the bin. I miss and then it’s quiet.

_Too quiet._

It’s the first time we’ve actually been alone. There’s so much I want to say and tell him like maybe confessing that we’re soulmates.

_Together. Forever._

Even if he doesn’t feel the same. Which he doesn’t because I’ve told him and kissed him (God, why did I kiss him?) and he pulled away. He always pulls away.

“I almost died.”

“You’re lucky that we found you Lister,” Jimmy says, his tone matching my own, “but it was my own fault. Sorry.”

“I took the knife.” I wish he would get closer so I could take his hand. Just for a moment. Just to pretend.

“But it was my knife. My stupid words that scared you.”

“It’s not your fault Jimmy.” I really hope he doesn’t have a panic attack. I know how to help but there’s this breathing exercise only Rowan is good at and I still can’t move and-

“I guess.”

“I thought I was going to die,” I admit, which probably isn’t very helpful, “but I didn’t. No one did.”

“You could have.”

I get the impression that Jimmy has thought this before. I’m not good with words like Rowan is but I’ll try my best. “I didn’t. It’s a funny story for future interviews. Another inside joke.” I hum the tune to ‘Happy Birthday Jimmy’ until he smiles. “But, I think I want to talk about more important things.”

“Like the contract?”

It would be so easy to divert the conversation from me and him. (Even if it’s mostly one sided.) But I’ve been stuck here for a week already. And I promised myself when I got Jimmy alone I’d actually tell him. He deserves to know.

I give him a classic Lister Bird smile. “Do you want to see my leg?”

“It’s broken,” Jimmy says, “but if you’re worried about performing we can figure something out…”

I pull up my pajamas again. “This leg. Read it.”

“No!” He covers his mouth and gasps a little bit. It’s all very dramatic but I can’t talk; I avoided Jimmy for weeks after I worked it out.

“Do you remember saying that to me?” I ask him, trying not to sound desperate. (It doesn’t work.)

“I think so.... Yes. In the music room when we we were trying to start a band.” Jimmy touches the words wrapped around my thigh and then pulls away like it’s scorching. I think he may actually be blushing.

“You were the first person to be nice to me.”

“Rowan was there too-” he protests weakly.

“I love you.” I didn’t mean to say it but there’s nothing I can do about it now. The words hover in the air between us heavily. “I mean-”  

“I know what you meant.”

_Silence again._

Jimmy pulls up the sleeve and stares at his little word.

 _“Hey,”_ I say, but he’s already headed to the door.

Rowan walks in a few minutes later. “Where’s-” he catches my face, “are you crying?”

“Shut up,” I mutter, dabbing at my eyes, “I was bloody stabbed.”


	2. JIMMY

It’s hard to avoid your bandmates. We live together. We play together. I see Rowan and Lister everyday of my life. Usually, it’s a comfort in my crazy, anxiety ridden world but not now.

I don’t think Lister expects anything of me. But, we’re soulmates. That far-off distant hope of meeting my future husband in the Lake District, with no radios or fans or contracts, is shattered. Because if Lister is my soulmate then it’s another thing to deal with now. Amongst the new anxiety medication and schedule and management.

And now a soulmate.

I know there’s so many people who would be jealous if they knew. Lister is beautiful enough that people would want him just for that. He’s also funny and always smiling and something else that just comes from his heart.

But, there’s also hundreds of fangirls who would break down at the idea that my soulmate isn’t Rowan. I mean, finding out about Bliss was enough to cause one to try and hurt Rowan. It could be me next - or, even worse, Lister.

“Jimmy, let go,” Rowan says, prying my hands from the edge of the chair. My knuckles are white.

How long had I sat here thinking?

“Is it bad to wish he could stay in hospital for a little longer?” I ask.

“He’s been here a month already,” Rowan says very carefully, “what’s going on with you two?”

“Nothing.”

He lifts up an eyebrow. _“Nothing?”_

“Okay… something,” I admit, “don’t panic.”

“No offence but you’re usually the one who panics,” Rowan says, “if you can’t tell your best friend…”

“Lister is my soulmate!” I burst out. Rowan blinks in surprise and then sits down next to me. “What do I do?”

“Lister is your- and you’re his- how?”

 _Great_. Now I’ve broken him.

“He thinks he’s in love with me.”

Rowan sighs. “I think he is in love with you,” he says, “I had a theory for a while.”

“You’re not freaking out.”

He shakes his head. “I’m um… keeping it together. You and Lister Bird. Holy-”

“Excuse me,” a nurse steps inside the room, “Mr Kaga-Ricci, Mr Omondi, the car is ready.”

“Right. Thanks.” Rowan stands up and runs his hands through his hair. “You and Lister. _Jesus Christ.”_

 

* * *

 

When we get back to the apartment, Lister hobbles over to his own bedroom, leaving just me and Rowan alone. I can’t tell if he’s avoiding me or if the move from the hospital is just tiring for him. I really hope it’s the latter.

“You want some advice?” Rowan asks.

“Do I have a choice?”

He shakes his head. “Talk to Lister. You can’t avoid it Jimmy. Seems like he’s wasted enough time thinking you don’t like him back.”

“I know it was mean but two weeks.”

“Four years Jim,” Rowan says seriously, “he’s known for four years. Why do you think he’s stayed quiet about it.”

“You’re being cool about it.”

He grins. “I’m cool about everything.”

“Now you really sound like a Dad.”

Rowan nods in the direction of Lister’s room. “Let him down gently though,” he calls, “he’s been through enough.”

I pause outside of his room. I haven’t really thought about letting him down. No one has ever ‘let him down’. He’s Lister Bird.

He’s my friend. I know the real Lister and the real Lister is nice and funny and kinda annoying. But, letting him down? It feels weird.

No one rejects their soulmate. There’s meant to be a  magnetic pull, a connection beyond anything you’ve felt before. And I never noticed.

Expect, maybe I have. Following Rowan around school to get Lister to join our band. Blushing when he put his arms around me to give me drum lessons. Sitting by him on long flights.

The door swings open and suddenly I’m face to face with Lister.

“Bloody hell,” he says, “you scared me.”

“Sorry.”

“I was going to get a drink but-” he bites his lip, “want to sit in here with me? I’m watching your favourite episode of ‘Brooklyn Nine Nine’.”

I peer around the door and see that he is in fact watching ‘the Bet’. “Okay.”

I sit on the edge of Lister’s bed as he limps out to kitchen. He comes back with two lemonades.

“No alcohol?”

“We have a lot to catch up on.” Lister passes me a bottle. “I’d rather have a clear head.”

I think back to him kissing me, drunkenly, in the bathroom.

“Good idea.”

“I don’t want to scare you off. With the thing. The soulmate thing.” Lister shrugs. “You don’t owe me anything. What does fate know?”

Let him down gently, Rowan had said, but it seems like Lister is doing all the work here. Letting himself down gently. It only makes me feel worse.

“I don’t know.” I shuffle a bit closer to Lister. “Maybe we make sense.”

He looks up at me with wide eyes. “Jimmy, don’t make yourself like me because we’re soulmates. How well did it work out for them?”

I pay attention back to ‘Brooklyn Nine Nine’ where Jake and Amy argue over her terrible dress. Half the season one arc is about Jake accepting his soulmate is Amy.

It’s my favourite season for that reason.

“They get married.”

Lister shrugs. “It’s not real though. Not all soulmates work out.”

“Like us.”

He sighs. “I guess. Do you… like me?”

“No. Yes.” I look down at my arm. “I don’t know.”

Lister leans back and closes his eyes. “Of course you don’t.”

“We could… test it.” I put down my lemonade bottle. “Last time caught me by surprise. But, I think if I… kissed you again. It might help me make up my mind.”

He sits up, suddenly alert. “Are you sure?”

I look at my arm again. “I think so. Yes.”

“Just pull away if you get uncomfortable.”

I nod and a strange sense of excitement bubbles in my stomach. Kissing Lister wasn’t my plan before I said it but suddenly it’s like we’re both thirteen again. Starting from scratch.

He brushes my hair back and touches my cheek. It’s all very intimate and the TV behind him blurs, the volume seemingly distorted.

And then Lister kisses me.

It’s better now he’s actually sobre and aware of what he’s doing. And I’m far too aware of how close we are. It’s kind of wonderful.

I don’t think I’ll ever pull away.

Eventually Lister drops his hand from my face and edges away from me.

“Did that help?”

He’s biting back a smile. I think I messed his hair up and I don’t remember how or when or why.

“Yes.”

“And…” he prompts, tapping his fingers impatiently against his leg.

“Don’t make me say it.”

“Say what?” Lister has this ridiculous smile. “I’m heartbroken over here.”

I nudge my shoulder against him. “I like you.”

“I wish I was stabbed years ago.”

“Lister!”

He laughs. “Come on, Jimmy, you wouldn’t have known otherwise. I only told you because I almost died.”

I almost forgot all that. “Lister-” I start, “I’m sorry.”

“Stop apologising mate,” he says. “Or… more than a mate?”

“I don’t know. It’s a lot for one night.”

I’m so useless at being a boyfriend already.

Lister puts his arm around as carefully as possible. “You’re not getting rid of me that easily Jimmy.”

I rest my head on his shoulder. Lister’s taller than me so we fit together perfectly when he does that. I close my eyes contently.

“And I’m not giving up on you,” he adds fiercely. “You’re my soulmate after all.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the support! I really hope you like my little AU and I did Lister and Jimmy justice!  
> Comments appreciated! 
> 
> (FOLLOW ME: @bazwillendinflames on tumblr/@ellienerd14 on twitter)

**Author's Note:**

> I think I'm the first person to do a 'I was born for this' fic here. No pressure then. 
> 
> I would really appreciate any comments or kudos! I don't typically write for books so I'd love to know what you thought!


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